Anywhere
by itslivinginallofus
Summary: Sequel to my other Ashley/Ellie fic entitled You. It takes place 9 months after Ashley and Ellie get together, and in true Degrassi fashion, it goes there. AshleyxEllie, ElliexAshley femslash. Title and starred passages belong to Evanescence.
1. Whisper I Love You

Ashley tapped lightly on Ellie's forehead. "What's going on up there?" Ellie's eyes snapped open, realizing only then that she had briefly drifted off to sleep. Being wrapped in Ashley's arms, absorbing her scent, and feeling her warm breath on the back of her neck was so perfectly soothing to Ellie that it was hard to stay awake.

She stroked Ashley's arm that was around her waist. "Just thoughts. About us."

There were a few moments of silence until Ashley decided to reply, her voice quiet and small. "Bad thoughts?"

Ellie turned so she was facing Ashley, her brow furrowed. "No. Never bad thoughts. Why?"

"Never mind," Ashley said, looking away.

"No, tell me," Ellie urged, "I want to know."

"It's just, reflecting on the experiences of these past few years, things rarely ever are so good for me. So it even worries me more when things are perfect. I've even been having nightmares about you leaving me for some guy." Ashley finished, looking down.

Ellie snuggled as close as she could to Ashley, tightening her grip. "Hey… I'm not going anywhere. Got it?"

Ashley smiled softly. "Got it." She touched Ellie's face with her hand and captured her lips with her own. Ellie wrapped her arms around Ashley's shoulders and gently pushed her tongue into Ashley's, deepening the kiss.

Just as Ashley had hoped, Ellie began running her fingers gently over Ashley's scalp while they were kissing, massaging her and putting her more at ease. Ellie gasped at the feeling of Ashley's cool hands on her warm flesh under her shirt, and her breathing became syncopated with the dancing of Ashley's fingertips on her bare stomach.

Right as Ellie was changing her position so she was almost straddling Ashley, there was a knock on Ellie's bedroom door, and the two frantically drew apart, Ellie moving onto the floor and Ashley grabbing a magazine.

"Ellie, I left a list of the chores I need you to do tomorrow on the kitchen table." Ellie's mom said, stepping into the room.

"Okay," Ellie began, hoping her face wasn't red, "I'll have them done when you get home."

"Thank you. Good night, Girls," Mrs. Nash smiled as she exited the room.

The girls echoed back their "good nights" and Ellie couldn't help but smile. The rehab her mom had went through had truly paid off, and not only had she been sober for almost a year, but she was also working part-time as a secretary.

However, Ashley's frown brought her back to the present.

"Sweetie, don't you just think you should tell her instead of us having to constantly hide? I mean, I'm sure your mom won't react as badly as you think," Ashley suggested, moving off of the bed and sitting next to Ellie on the floor.

"Congratulations on the most incorrect assumption of the year. My parents aren't like yours - your dad is gay and your mom has learned to accept him for it. Things aren't always that simple," Ellie said, not realizing until she was done speaking that her defensiveness had kicked in.

Ashley looked away, slightly pained by Ellie's abrasiveness. "I know… I was just offering a suggestion."

Ellie caught the hurt in Ashley's eyes and tone and gently slipped her fingers between Ashley's. "I'm sorry, Baby. I didn't mean to be so harsh. It's just - the mere thought of coming out to my parents makes my blood run cold. I mean, I want to. It would make things so much easier not having to lie and hide, and I know it would make you happy, too," Ellie said, feeling somewhat defeated.

"Hey," Ashley began, freeing her hand and instead putting her arm around her girlfriend, pulling her close. "Don't worry about whether or not this will make me happy. I suggested it because I thought it would be easier on you. But I'll never hold something like you knowing your limits and making your own decisions against you. So, please, don't do anything that you think might be in my best interest that could end up hurting you."

Ellie rested her head on Ashley's shoulder. "But you are in my best interest. At the end of the day, I want you to be happy, and I need to play a part in that, even if it involves a little personal sacrifice."

Ashley took in every word that Ellie had just said and felt absolutely intoxicated by her words. For the first time in her life, someone was declaring their love to her in a way that felt honest, true, and real, and Ashley had previously underestimated how amazing it would feel to hear those things. This girl who was sitting in her arms far surpassed anyone or anything she could have ever imagined asking for.

Ashley, lifting Ellie's head off of her shoulder, held her face with both hands and kissed her, infusing all of the love and passion inside of her into the moment they were sharing. When the kiss finally broke several moments later, Ellie, who was already a little surprised as it was, had no idea that Ashley was going to say what she did next:

"Ellie - I am so incredibly in love with you."

Ellie's heart sped up. Her face felt warm and her hands began to sweat. That statement held more meaning than she could even consciously comprehend. Ellie and Ashley both looked back regrettably on how they were so ignorant to say "I love you" to their ex-boyfriends Sean and Craig so quickly when they both ended up ultimately getting hurt. They had discussed this many times and both acknowledged that the use of the phrase would have to accompany some strong feelings and a promise for a solid future together. Ellie, who constantly feared rejection, had wanted to tell Ashley that she was in love for a little over 2 months at that point, but was too scared to mention anything. Even though the moment felt so real and alive, Ellie prayed that she hadn't heard wrong, or even worse, that she was dreaming.

"I'm in love with you, too, Ash," Ellie said, surprised that she found her voice at all, "I love you."

Ashley beamed, throwing her arms around Ellie's shoulders and knocking her over onto her back, laying above her, her head buried into Ellie's shoulder, taking in every fiber of her being and scent.

The girls shared another kiss, not being able to get enough of each other's lips. Then, Ashley began to sensually kiss Ellie's neck and run her fingers up and down Ellie's sides, causing goose bumps to form on her arms. Ellie got temporarily caught up in her arousal until Ashley rested her head on Ellie's chest.

"Do you think we're ready to finally - you know?" Ashley asked.

Ellie knew exactly what Ashley had been referring to. They had been dating for 9 months and had not yet slept together. While their hormones had constantly instructed them otherwise, they decided to refrain as they did with the saying of "I love you" in order to better protect their emotions. But now that they had some relationship insurance, Ellie felt that there was no better time.

Ellie again stroked Ashley's hair, knowing how much she liked it. "Yeah. I am. I know that you're the one for me. So, this has to be right."

Ashley smiled. "Okay."

"Not right now, Dummy," Ellie laughed playfully, "How about a time and place a little less one room away from my mom?"

Ashley smiled back. "Fair enough, Ms. Nash. Well, tomorrow, Mom, Jeff, and Toby are going to visit Jeff's mom, and they said I don't have to go if I don't want to. If they're not sleeping over, they'll definitely be there late. Are you free tomorrow?"

"It's a date," Ellie smiled sweetly. "But for right now, I say we make a date with the bed. I'm exhausted."

Ashley stood up from on top of Ellie and helped her up. The two held each other in a close hug once standing up and then climbed into bed, shutting off the lamp next to Ashley's bed.

The two cuddled as closely to one another as possible, kissing good night. "Good night, Ellie. I love you," Ashley said.

Ellie's heart again skipped a beat at the way hearing that made her feel. "I love you, too, Baby Girl."

The two closed their eyes and began to drift off to sleep. Ellie's eyes opened again when her memory traced her back to Sean and remembered them saying that to one another before he stormed out of her life. But now, more than ever, was the time, once and for all, to forget about her difficult past and start a new one with Ashley, as she closed her eyes and fell asleep for real in the warmth of Ashley's arms.


	2. This is Our Night

Kate, Jeff, and Toby left for Jeff's parents' house at 6:00 PM, leaving Ashley only 2 hours to prepare for her evening with Ellie. After they woke up, Ellie stayed home to do her chores while Ashley left half way through helping her with them to get what she needed for later. Since they had already discussed what was going to happen that night, Ashley wanted to make everything absolutely perfect. She wanted to show Ellie, in a visible sense, how much she loved and appreciated Ellie's presence in her life.

Earlier, Ashley had stopped to make a list of the things that Ellie loved or always wanted. When her family left, the list was narrowed down to the following:

the colors black and red  
rubber bracelets  
Ashley's music/singing voice  
roses or any kind of flowers (although that was never to be repeated)  
incense/candles  
the smell of sandalwood  
back rubs

She stared at the list until it felt like she could see right through it. No instant ideas came to mind, and she considered that a bad sign. She wasn't willing to settle for mediocrity, not now. She took a moment to reflect on everything that Ellie had done for her. Prior to her relationship with Ellie, so many people - Spinner, Paige, Hazel, Terri, Craig, Jimmy, even her own parents - commented on her constant uptightness. She knew that her pessimistic demeanor caused her to lose the respect and interest of many of her friends, but after all she had been through with her parents divorce, adjusting to a step-family, dealing with her father's reasons for leaving the family, the ecstasy incident, struggles with Jimmy, Terri's hospitalization, and Craig cheating on her, she didn't see any way possible for her to unwind and relax. Ironically, when she needed her friends the most, they abandoned her because she was weak. But, through all of the tears, pain, and emotional craziness, Ellie was always there as a friend, a best friend, and now a lover. No, there was absolutely no way mediocrity would do.

Recapping all that Ellie had done for her began the creative process, and Ashley only hoped that 2 hours would be enough time to get everything arranged.

Ellie finished all her chores for the day and left a note for her mom on the table saying that she was staying the night at Ashley's. Prior to their current situation, Ellie never would have even thought about "telling" her mom she was doing something rather than "asking" her mom if she could do something, but they both agreed that part of the conditions of Ellie living at home again was that she was allowed to do what she wanted and needed, within reason, that would keep her happy and away from cutting or any other self-destructive behavior.

On her walk over to Ashley's, Ellie kept checking her appearance in every available reflective surface, which was so unlike her - but, tonight was different. She wore the outfit that Ashley liked best, an all-black (surprise, surprise) ensemble, and Ellie wasn't sure if Ashley genuinely liked the outfit for what it was, or simply because it was the outfit Ellie wore the night they made their relationship official, but either way, she knew she would like it. She used her "special occasion make up" and perfume, also letting her hair hang down, subtly braided in the front. She had stopped by the drug store on the way to buy Ashley a card and her favorite candy, and also brought a CD she burned while doing chores of the many songs that the couple deemed as "their song."

Right as Ellie was about to ring the doorbell, she noticed a sign on the door that said "Come on in… if you don't have your key, ring the doorbell."

Ellie did have her key to the Kerwin-Isaac's residence, which she had possession of unbeknownst to Kate and Jeff. While Ashley's mom and stepfather had known for months that Ashley and Ellie were a couple, the girls had a feeling they didn't know exactly how serious they were, which was probably for the best. But either way, Ellie proceeded to use her key to open the door, and was almost overtaken by the atmosphere. The air smelled of sandalwood, which was emanating from the candles that lit the otherwise blackened house. From the doorway, there was a trail of flower petals to the stairs. Each stair had a petal and every 5th stair had a sandalwood scented candle. Ellie began to collect each one and took a closer look. It was a pattern of rose petals - red and black! Ellie vaguely remembered a conversation she and Ashley had a while ago in which she said how cool it would be if there were black roses. Her heart warmed knowing that Ashley had remembered and somehow made it happen. Suddenly, soft music from upstairs brought her out of her reverie, and she realized it was Ashley's own piano playing, and making her more anxious to getting upstairs. She gathered as many rose petals as she could, which trailed all the way to Ashley's bedroom door, and as she reached for the doorknob, she felt a slip of paper covering it. It was a post-it note reading: "This is Our Night… I love you, Ellie Nash."

Ellie felt the tears come to her eyes, but she blinked them back and folded up the note and put it in her pocket. She opened the door to Ashley's room, to find the room smelling of incense and lit by 4 candles in each corner of the room. The rose petals, still in the red and black pattern, led all the way to the bed, but Ellie's eyes first fell upon Ashley, who looked stunning, and was sitting at her keyboard and playing soft accompaniment.

"Hey, you," Ashley spoke softly as Ellie walked in, "You look beautiful."

"Ashley, you are beautiful. I can't believe all that you've done -" Ellie began.

"Shh, wait. Before you go on, I wrote you a song. It's not too long and it's not my best, but I wanted to write something specifically for tonight. So, I hope you like it."

Ashley began to play the introduction to the song she wrote, and Ellie walked over and stood behind her, wrapping her arms around Ashley's waist and resting her head on her shoulder while she closed her eyes and listened to the beautiful music that was written just for her.

_"Anywhere"  
Ashley Kerwin_

_I have dreamt  
Of a place for you and I  
No one knows who we are there_

_All I want  
Is to give my life away to you  
I've dreamt so long  
I cannot dream anymore_

_Let's run away  
I'll take you there_

_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down_

_So, by the morning's light  
We'll be halfway to anywhere  
Where no one needs a reason_

_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down_

_So, by the morning's light  
We'll be halfway to anywhere  
Where no one needs a reason_

(Vocalization)

When Ashley was done singing, Ellie turned Ashley around in her chair and immediately kissed her, knowing that the only thing that mattered at that moment was loving Ashley. She let her hands move from Ashley's hair to her shoulders to her breasts, and Ashley pulled Ellie so that she was sitting on her lap, facing her. When the intensity of their kissing almost knocked Ashley's keyboard off of the stand, the two broke their kiss to laugh, and then Ellie tucked Ashley's hair behind her ears and looked into her eyes.

"Now you've managed to be even more beautiful than a few minutes ago, which I wasn't sure was possible," Ellie said, choked up by the tears that were trying to slip out before. "You couldn't have made this any more perfect."

"I'm glad, Sweetie," Ashley smiled, "I didn't do much, though."

Ellie's eyebrows raised. "Didn't do much? Ashley, black roses!"

Ashley laughed. "No - red roses, black food coloring. It was the least I could do after everything you've done for me."

"Well, I hope you don't think I made any big sacrifices. You're just my girl, you know?" Ellie asked, massaging the small of Ashley's back.

Ashley's eyes began to mist over as well. "Yeah, I know."

Their lips met again, but before they got lost in the rapture of another kiss, Ashley paused to remember something.

"Oh, Sweetie, give me, like, 2 seconds. I need to go put out the candles before the house burns down."

Ellie laughed. "Good plan. Okay, I'll see you in a minute."

They kissed quickly once more before Ashley left the room, and while she did, Ellie reached into her bag and found the CD she had burned. She put it in Ashley's stereo and set it to a comfortable volume. She then blew out all but the brightest candle, and moved it to the nightstand, sitting down on the bed. When Ashley returned, she immediately noticed the song. "Aww! Our song! Did you burn it?"

Ellie nodded. "Yes, along with 18 more of 'our songs.' Ellie paused. "Dance with me?"

Ashley smiled and moved towards Ellie. Ellie wrapped her arms around Ashley's shoulders, and Ashley's arms were around Ellie's waist. It wasn't long before they began to kiss again, becoming devoured in a desperate need to be close to one another. Ellie was the first to break the ice, her hands going to the fly of Ashley's jeans, pulling them off of her and discarding them. Ashley did the same with Ellie's pants, and then they went for one another's shirts, their hands exploring one another's bodies to compensate for the brief interruption of their lips while trying to get their shirts over their heads. When they were in their underclothes, Ellie led Ashley to the bed, climbing on top of her and running the tips of her fingernails from the curve of Ashley's breasts down to her bare stomach, causing goose bumps to cover her body. Ashley began to kiss and gently bite Ellie's neck, knowing how it was one of her more sensitive areas. In the process, her hands traveled to Ellie's back and unhooked her bra, which soon led to the removal of both of their underclothes. Ellie and Ashley began to experiment with and enjoy the feeling of their bare bodies creating a friction and rhythm between them. Ellie leaned over to the bedside table, blowing out the final candle, which was the last light the girls saw before morning.


	3. Baggage

Ashley's eyes fluttered, and then squinted in response to the sunlight streaming through the window. She caught a glimpse of her alarm clock and saw that it was almost 11:30, but there was nothing but force that would make her want to move from the position she was in. Ellie's arms were around her waist, her head resting up against Ashley's arms, and their feet intertwined. Ashley gently kissed Ellie's forehead as not to wake her, and then closed her eyes again and relaxed back into her pillow.

However, the sudden and loud beeping of the cordless phone by Ashley's bed, startled them both awake, and Ashley recognized the ring as an internal page rather than an external phone call. Ashley reached for the phone as Ellie began to wake up, kissing up and down Ashley's bare arm.

"Yeah?" Ashley answered groggily.

"Ashley, is Ellie with you?" Mrs. Kerwin asked, sounding somewhat confused.

"Yeah, she slept over," Ashley answered, remembering just then that she failed to mention that Ellie would be spending the night.

"Oh," Ashley's mom said, sounding slightly put off, "Well, there's someone here to see her, so send her down."

Ellie's eyes widened. "Who is it? My mom?"

"If it is, why wouldn't she have just said so?" Ashley picked up the phone and spoke into the intercom. "Who is it?" No answer. "Hello?" No answer. Ashley sighed. "Well, she'll be down in a minute."

The two girls got out of bed, Ashley throwing on a bathrobe and Ellie putting on the clothes she was wearing last night, minus her underclothes.

"Oh! It's probably Marco. I told him he could borrow my Armstrong notes from Friday and he's probably going into scholastic paranoia looking for them."

Ashley and Ellie both laughed, feeling more at ease now. Before they left the room, Ashley grabbed Ellie by the arm and pulled her into a kiss. "Last night was unbelievable. I'm so glad we had that experience."

"Me, too, Baby. I love you," Ellie said, kissing Ashley's nose.

"I love you, too" Ashley said smiling.

Ashley and Ellie walked downstairs hand in hand and into the living room. However, Ellie's hand dropped lifeless by her side when she saw who was awaiting her on the couch.

"Sean?" Ellie asked, her voice nearly cracking.

Sean stood from the couch and grabbed Ellie by the shoulders. "Ellie, I've been driving all night, and when I got to your house this morning, the door was open and I saw your note about being here, so I stopped by because I needed to see you," Sean paused, not being able to read much emotion from Ellie's face, "I know - you don't have to say it. I walked out on you, leaving you completely alone for my own idiotic, selfish purposes, and that was so wrong. But ever since I left, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. And that's why I'm here. Ellie - I, I love you."

Sean grasped Ellie's chin and pulled her into a kiss. Overcome by surprise and confusion, it took a second for Ellie to even push him away, but it was just long enough to make Ashley's stomach drop and her head begin to spin. Right at that moment, Kate had walked in, originally intending to pull Ashley aside and have a discussion about unsupervised sleepovers without her and Jeff's permission, but refrained when she saw Sean kissing her daughter's girlfriend right in front of her.

Ellie pulled away from Sean's hold on her. "Sean, no! You can't just - come back after almost a year of being away and expect things to go back the way they were!"

"I know… but then again, no! We once said that forever meant forever regardless of the circumstances. I know that must seem easy for me to say since I'm the one who screwed up, but I held you to those words. I mean, other than the fact that you're pissed at me for leaving, what's holding you back?" Sean asked.

Ellie half-glanced at Ashley who was standing behind her, and Ashley's eyes were wild, desperate, and filling with tears. "You just - no, you can't come here and expect me to be okay with this all. We can talk later, but not right now. Right now you need to leave."

Sean swallowed hard. "Fine. But I'm not going away for good. I talked to Craig and he said I could crash. So, when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me. But if you're expecting me to just take off again, don't. I'm not going to make that mistake again."

Kate looked between the 3 teenage faces in the room, and knew she had to intervene. "Okay, Sean, I think you better leave for now. I'll show you the door."

As Kate led Sean out, Sean gave a quick nod to Ashley. "You're looking good, Ash." Sean was slightly thrown by Ashley's bitter glare in response. "Make sure Ellie makes the right decision."

Mrs. Kerwin gave another look at Ashley and knew that she was almost at her breaking point and ushered Sean even more quickly out of the house. Once he had left, Kate stopped to contemplate whether or not she should say something, but instead moved into the kitchen, leaving Ashley and Ellie standing across the room from one another. Ellie took a deep breath and tried to move towards Ashley.

"Don't!" Ashley said, running for the stairs, "Just don't!"

Ellie ignored Ashley's request and followed her to her bedroom, opening the door that Ashley had just slammed a few moments ago. When she walked in, Ashley was already laying on her bed, sobbing, with her face buried in a pillow. Ellie sat on the edge of the bed and tried to rub Ashley's back. "Love -"

"Ellie, please don't touch me! And don't call me Love!" Ashley said, moving off of the bed and into the corner.

"Well, you ARE my love! Don't tell me that's changed in 5 minutes!" Ellie yelled back.

"Your ex-boyfriend kissed you, and you let him! And when he asked you what would stop you from being with him, you failed to mention anything about us and the past 9 months that we've had together!"

"Ashley, he came out of nowhere for the first time in a year, grabbed me and kissed me! I was completely taken by surprise! I didn't even begin to know what to say!" Ellie said, frantically trying to sway Ashley's decision.

"Hmm, how about 'Stop kissing me because I'm in love with Ashley?' Would that have been so hard?" Ashley said angrily.

"Yes! It would have!" Ellie challenged back.

"Well, I guess the only reason that would make sense is because you don't love me. Is that the case? Even after last night?" Ashley asked, her eyes on the verge of re-tearing and her heart on the verge of re-breaking.

"Ashley - if you have to even ask me that question, then -" Ellie started.

"Well, the fact that I even have to worry about it says something! I stood there and watched Sean Cameron, who left you miserable and heartbroken, hold you in his arms…" Ashley's voice began to break, "Kiss you…" her tears were flowing steadily now, "And to see you not pull away and then deny the fact that we're together… can you imagine how much that hurt me?"

Tears began to stream out of Ellie's eyes. Her heart raced and head pounded. There was no way she was going to screw up the one thing that mattered in her life.

She walked over to Ashley, who was still in the corner, and went to hold her face, which Ashley still tried to escape from. "No, shh, shh, hey - it's me," Ellie began, carefully moving closer and drying Ashley's tears. "I just was shocked and overwhelmed, that's all. Sean came out here and thought I was going to be waiting for him, and it didn't feel right telling him in the first 10 minutes that not only am I over him, but I'm dating a girl. You're the one for me, Ash, you know it. If I'm going to kiss and love anybody, it's going to be you. Okay?"

Ashley again burst out in tears and fell to the ground, falling into Ellie's arms.

"Oh, God, Ellie, I can't lose you!"

Ellie sat back against the bed, holding Ashley in her lap and letting her cry into her bosom. Ellie kept leaning into Ashley, smelling her hair, and remembering where she was and who she was with. She couldn't let her mind drift to where it felt inclined unless she wanted to completely lose Ashley forever.


	4. Through a Crack in the Wall

Sean was sitting on Craig's bedroom floor, roughly sketching some engines and parts that he had left incomplete back in Wasaga Beach. When he returned from Ashley's house about an hour earlier, Craig had gone to the store and he was waiting upon his return. Just then, Craig walked in the room with a few miscellaneous items - a new guitar tuner, a few bags of chips, and two cans of coke for him and Sean.

"Hey, Man. Did you talk to Ellie?" Craig asked, handing Sean one of the drinks.

"Yeah. She was at Ashley's. She was pretty shocked, said she needed some time to think," Sean said, not making much eye contact.

There was a slight pause. "Well, at least that's not a no."

"It's not a yes, either. I really screwed up bad this time," Sean said, becoming upset. "Well, hey, either way, we have band practice tonight, so you should hang with us, get back into the swing of things, let us know what you think of the new material," Craig offered.

Sean's eyes widened. "Will Ellie be there?"

"She can be. She probably will be now that Ash is in the band. Those two are quite the pair," Craig said, the last remark quite snidely.

"Yeah. Ashley's not too happy with me, I guess. I tried to talk to her at her house and she just gave me the glare from hell," Sean said.

Craig paused. It just occurred to him that unless Ellie had told him, which she most likely did not due to the fact that he was trying to get her back, that Sean had absolutely no idea that Ellie and Ashley were a couple. Everyone at Degrassi knew since they had come out as a months ago, but it would make sense that nobody would want to be the bearer of bad news to Sean. After all, Craig knew how that one felt. It was like someone punched him in the stomach and set his clothes on fire when he saw Ashley and Ellie kissing for the first time in the hall. How could she do that to him? She spent so much time wanting him and upset over the fact that they weren't together, and right when things look promising for them as a couple, she goes and finds someone else? A shiver ran down Craig's spine at the mere thought. He didn't recall until just then, but he also remembered having a lot of misdirected anger at Sean, as well. If he had never gone back to Wasaga Beach, he and Ellie would still be together, and therefore Ashley would be available. Right as Craig was about to break the news to Sean, he hesitated. What if Sean somehow reminded Ellie of all they had? Craig, and everybody else who was remotely friends with Ellie, knew that her and Sean's break up completely devastated her. He recalled her saying she thought she was in love for the first time in her life. If Sean was able to persuade Ellie to regain faith in their relationship, it would give him the chance and possibility to do the same with Ashley, especially if this experience left her broken-hearted and vulnerable. "

Yeah, well, you know… they're best friends. Girls are trained to hate their best friend's exes, you know?" Craig said, acting oblivious.

Sean shrugged. "I guess you're right. Well, make up some excuse as to why Ellie needs to be at rehearsal tonight next time you talk to Ashley, and then we'll go from there," Sean said. Craig smiled, nodded, and reached for the phone.

Ashley and Ellie were still sitting beside Ashley's bed as they had been since their argument, but now Ellie was laying her head in Ashley's lap, fiddling with the rope of her bathrobe, and Ashley was brushing and running her fingers through Ellie's hair. When the phone rang, it rattled both of their headaches and Ashley desperately felt around the phone simply to silence it. When she saw Craig's number come up on the Caller ID, she only then remembered about band practice.

"Hey, Craig," she answered. "What time are we meeting again?"

"Hey," Craig began, "Well, I was thinking 5-ish, pizza and chips on me. But, hey, do you think Ellie could come with? I know she's really good at film and stuff, and we've taken videos of practice before and it's something we can really learn from." Ashley raised her eyebrows, surprised at how positively Craig was speaking about Ellie. She wasn't as quick to assume that Craig had been jealous, but since she and Ellie began going out, he never seemed too fond of her. "Um, hang on, let me ask her," Ashley put her hand over the receiver, "Hey, Babe - Craig wants to know if you'll sit in on rehearsal and do some filming for self-evaluation purposes. You in?"

Ellie looked up at Ashley, worry written on her face. "Um, I'd love to, but – isn't Sean staying with Craig?"

Ashley had completely disregarded that "minor detail" until just then, to which she reacted by picking the phone back up. "Craig, this has nothing to do with Sean by any chance, does it?"

Craig was caught off guard. "No! Not at all! Sean's... Sean's not even going to be there!" Craig lied, eliciting a look from Sean.

Ashley was a bit skeptical, but she trusted Craig. "Okay. Hang on," Ashley again covered the receiver. "He says that Sean won't be there."

Ellie nodded. "All right. We just have to stop by my house so I can clear it with my mom and get my camera."

Ashley spoke back into the phone. "Okay. That should be fine. I'll see you at 5." Ellie stood from the floor, rubbing her forehead. "Okay, we should probably stop by my place to give my mom plenty of notice and make sure I can get my camera together." Ashley grabbed Ellie's hand and stopped her before she walked away. She held Ellie's face and brought her down to eye level, her eyes scanning Ellie's frantically.

"Kiss me. Please – just kiss me."

Ellie tilted Ashley's chin and kissed her softly, trying to put as much intensity and feeling into the kiss as she could. There were so many thoughts swarming her mind, and she was just desperate for them to quiet. All she wanted to do was just love and be with Ashley. Why did Sean have to come complicate things NOW?

"Come on, Love, let's get ready," Ellie said, pulling Ashley to her feet.

The two headed, hand-in-hand, for Ellie's house, completely unaware of just how complicated things were about to become.


	5. Broken Promises, Shattered Hearts

Jimmy, Spinner, and Marco, who were setting up and tuning, heard giggling from outside Joey's garage. Then, the door opened, and in ran Ashley, racing around with Ellie on her back, Ellie filming all the while. Things were finally feeling normal and relaxed between the two for the first time all day. Ashley let Ellie off on the couch and sat down next to her, the two holding hands and still laughing. Jimmy half-laughed at their girlishness and waved. Spinner, who was still having time and problems adjusting to the idea of the girls as a serious and valid couple just started banging louder on his drums, but Marco put down his bass and ran over to the two.

"Hey, Ash," he said quickly, giving her a kiss on the cheek. He then grabbed Ellie and pulled her to her feet and into a hug. "Hey! I didn't know you were going to be here!"

"Craig asked me to videotape rehearsal," Ellie replied.

"Yay! I'm glad you're here!" Marco said, hugging Ellie again and making her smile. "But, hey, are you going to be okay with Sean here and everything?"

Ellie's eyes grew large. "Craig said Sean wasn't going to be here."

"Oh," Marco began uncomfortably, "Well, I could be wrong, but I thought Craig said that him and Sean were coming back with the food."

Before Ellie could say another word, Craig and Sean entered the garage, each carrying a pizza and a bottle of soda.

Jimmy and Spinner looked at one another, and back and forth between Sean and Ashley, aware that the situation could possibly get ugly. Marco, still standing with Ellie, looked at her, waiting to intercept some sort of reaction. Ashley stared at Sean in a way that defines the phrase "If looks could kill…"

Trying to break the tension, Craig stepped up. "Pizza's here, Guys. Why don't we eat before it gets cold, and then we'll rehearse?"

Jimmy and Spinner ran for the pizza, ignoring the situation at hand, while Ashley's stare was now directed towards Craig. "Craig, can I speak to you in private for a second?" She then grabbed Marco's arm, leaned in close and said, "Guard her with your life," in a tone so serious that it was almost comical, but Marco had a feeling laughing might not make things any easier.

Ashley grabbed Craig by the wrist and led him outside of the garage. "Craig, what's the matter with you? You said that Sean wasn't going to be here!"

"Well, I thought he was going to go out and do something but he has nowhere to go. He's still one of my friends, I can't just turn him out on the streets," Craig said, starting to feel a little flushed.

"I understand that, but this is a really delicate situation. I have a hard enough time bearing the sight of Sean alone, not to mention him trying to steal the most important person in my life away from me," Ashley said, hoping Craig would understand.

"Ashley, do you have any faith in your relationship with Ellie?" Craig asked, trying to say whatever necessary for her to drop it.

"Yes… of course," Ashley stammered, knowing where he was going.

"Well, you're not acting like it. If you and Ellie are as serious as you say and as everyone knows you are, then regardless of whether or not Sean is here shouldn't matter," Craig said.

Ashley paused. "Yeah. I guess you're right. I still can't help being jealous and worried, though."

"Well, just try and let it go and let's have some pizza and get some good material under our belts. We have a lot of work to do if we're going to be ready for our big gig next week, so I wanted to work on some lyrics with you tonight so we can fine-tune the new stuff," Craig said, putting his hand on Ashley's shoulder.

Ashley took a deep breath, more relaxed now. "Okay. But promise me this - everyone stays in the garage the whole night. I don't want him taking off with her somewhere."

Craig rolled his eyes but smiled, "Okay, okay, I promise. Let's just make a night of this and have a good time, okay?"

Ashley smiled in return. "Okay. Thanks."

Craig and Ashley walked in to see Spinner and Jimmy downing their 4th pieces, and Marco sitting, nervously drumming on his knees and sitting in between Ellie and Sean on the couch, his hand shaking too much to eat his pizza. Ashley laughed, stilled his hand, and sat on the arm of the couch, putting her arm around Ellie. Ellie forced a smile up at Ashley and glanced at Sean. He noticed that they were sitting unusually close, but didn't think much of it.

When everyone had a chance to eat their pizza, the band began to play through and attempt to perfect 3 of the new songs they were working on. Ellie and Sean sat at an awkward distance on the couch, Ellie filming, and Sean deciding when to "make his move." When the band stopped playing to figure out chords and tune to one another, Sean considered it to be an opportune moment.

"Hey - since you're not filming, do you think we can go somewhere and talk?" Sean asked.

"Sean, I -" Ellie began.

"Ellie, whether you like me, hate me, or whatever, you know there are things we need to talk about. That's all I'm asking."

"Fine. We can talk," Ellie said, her hands trembling.

This was the moment that Sean and Craig had planned out. Sean coughed loudly, signaling to Craig that it was now his job to distract Ashley so that Sean and Ellie could be alone.

"Uh, guys, why don't you work on the chords and rhythm while Ash and I figure out some of the lyrics?" Craig suggested.

"Sounds cool," Jimmy said, "We could use the practice."

"Ash, why don't we go in the house so we can concentrate?" Craig asked.

"Okay. Let's go," Ashley said, waving to Ellie and gently squeezing her hand as she walked by the couch. "I'll be back soon."

Ellie smiled and nodded, not wanting to let go of Ashley's hand out of fear of what might happen next. Once Ashley and Craig were gone, Sean led Ellie somewhere in the woods surrounding the garage.

As Ashley and Craig were on their way to the house, she stopped halfway. "Oh, let me go grab my keyboard so we can put the lyrics we come up with to the music."

Craig panicked. "Uhh, let me grab it for you."

Ashley laughed. "Since when are you my knight in shining armor? I can get it. Besides, you know how I don't let anyone touch my keyboard. No offense."

Trying his best not to look suspicious, Craig begrudgingly let her go and headed back to his house.

Ashley walked back in the garage, planning to sneak up on Ellie from behind and tickle her, but stopped dead in her tracks when she noticed that both she and Sean were missing. She waved her arms in the air to get the band's attention.

"Guys! Where are Ellie and Sean?" Ashley asked once they stopped playing.

"I don't know, they took off somewhere after you two left," Jimmy said, trying to put it as delicately as possible.

Ashley put her hands over her face and then regained composure. "When they come back, can you tell Ellie that we need to talk? No, better yet - tell Sean that we need to talk?"

The three guys bit their lips, trying not to laugh at the thought of Ashley going off on Sean. "Sure," Jimmy said, forcing a serious face.

Ashley callously grabbed the keyboard and proceeded back to Craig's house. Before she talked to Sean, she had a few things to say to him, too.

Ellie and Sean were sitting on a large rock in the woods, Sean doing most of the talking. Ellie felt as if the still-forming moon was shining directly on her, almost like a spotlight, trying to break her.

"I respected you. Opened up my home to you. Treated you well and did what I could to be a good boyfriend. Damn it, Ellie, I made one stupid mistake! You used to cut, that was a stupid mistake, too, but none of us held it against you! This isn't fair!" Sean said, becoming more upset with each sentence.

Suddenly, Ellie reached her emotional breaking point. She buried her face in her hands and began to cry, like she had wanted to all day. Sean tried to move in close and put his arm around her, but she pulled away. "Sean, what did I say about touching?"

Sean, on the verge of losing his temper, contained himself. "Let me go back to the garage and get you a drink, okay? Take a few minutes to calm down and breathe. I'll be right back."

Ellie sat on the rock and continued to cry alone, while Sean stormed back in the garage. The guys, who were in between songs when he did, all smirked when he entered.

"What?" Sean snapped.

"Someone's in trouble with Death-mistress Kerwin," Spinner joked.

"What'd I do now?" Sean asked, reaching into the mini fridge for a bottle of water.

The guys exchanged looks, unsure of how Sean could possibly misunderstand.

"Well, the fact that you randomly storm back into town with the intention to sweep her girlfriend off of her feet like you have in the past doesn't exactly put you on her good side," Jimmy said, not caring how blunt that came out.

Sean's eyes widened. "Girlfriend? You mean just like - a girl who's a friend, right?"

The guys exchanged looks a second time, this time more frantically. "Um, no, Buddy. Girlfriend in the sense of being a couple. Ashley and Ellie have been going out for, like, 9 months," Marco said, unsure of what Sean's response would be.

"What?!" he inquired, infuriated, "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Dude, we thought you knew. For real. They're out at Degrassi, we figured you'd heard about it somehow," Spinner said.

"Well, you figured wrong!" Sean barked, storming out of the garage. After he left, Spinner and Jimmy laughed, not feeling the need to pretend that they ever particularly liked Sean. Marco, however, frowned, knowing that this probably wasn't going to end well.

Ashley walked into the living room, where Craig was sitting with the drafts of the lyrics. Trying to distract Ashley from the fact that she most likely noticed Ellie and Sean's absence, he threw some ideas at her right when she walked in.

"Oh, there you are. Hey, in 'All I Need', what do you think should come after: 'Wallet empty, spirit full'?

"Hmm. How about, 'What is it you're trying to pull?'" Ashley remarked, sarcastically.

Craig tried to play dumb. "But that doesn't fit in with the context of the song -"

"I'm not talking about the song, Craig, I'm talking to you. You tell me that Sean isn't going to be at rehearsal and he magically shows up, and then you promise me that they won't have a chance to be alone, and as soon as I leave, they're gone. Are you trying to help him get Ellie back?"

"It's not about him getting Ellie back. It's about…" Craig's voice began to trail off. "I don't know if I should tell you this, because you'll probably think I'm a jerk."

"Either way I want to know what's going on, so you might as well give it a shot," Ashley insisted.

"It's just - Ashley, you and I are great for each other. You can't deny it. No matter what's happened, we've always understood each other, and we even saw past some pretty sticky emotional situations between the two of us. I used to be an idiot who let my hormones get the best of me, but I'm past that now. I want a real relationship. I want you. And I figured this timing is symbolic, now that Sean is back and wants to be with Ellie. It gives you and I a chance for another shot," Craig said.

Ashley clenched her fists, swallowed hard, and turned for the door. "You're right, I do think you're a jerk."

"For what, caring about you? Wanting to be with you? Oh, gee, Ash, I'm sorry!" Craig shouted before she could leave.

However, Ashley turned around, unimpressed. "No. Because, see, if you really cared about me, you'd accept the fact that I love Ellie and that she makes me happy. But instead, you try to break us up for your own selfish purposes. I'm out of here."

Ashley left as quickly as possible, and Craig knocked everything on the coffee table onto the floor. As much as he wanted to be mad at Ashley, he couldn't. He knew what he did was wrong and instead was mad at himself for managing to somehow mess things up with Ashley yet again.

Ellie heard Sean's loud and angry footsteps approach her and she dried her eyes and looked up.

"Think fast," he said abrasively, throwing the water bottle purposely at Ellie's head.

Ellie barely caught it before it hit her in the face. "Easy! What's your problem?"

"Hmm, well, I don't know what pisses me off more - the fact that you're a dike and never told me while we were going out, or the fact that when I come back and beg to have you back in my life that you STILL don't tell me?"

Ellie was almost rendered speechless. She could not believe what she was hearing. "What did you just call me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, do you prefer the term lesbian? Because if you do, apply it to the previous sentence," Sean said, busying himself by wringing his hands.

"I'm not a lesbian, Sean!" Ellie yelled back.

"Well, then, that's interesting since Ashley is your girlfriend!" Sean yelled, his anger increasing.

"Yes, Ashley IS my girlfriend, but I'm not a lesbian! The situation is more complex than that. I fell in love with her because of the person she is, not because she's a girl."

Sean paused, his voice quiet for the first time since he returned. "You fell in love with her?"

Ellie's face felt hot. "Yes. I - I did."

Sean slammed his fist into the tree they were standing beside. "How could you do this to me?! Did our relationship mean nothing to you?"

"Of course it meant something! But, Sean, you walked out on me when I needed you most! You broke my heart, and Ashley was there for me," Ellie said, beginning to cry again.

"Ellie, I needed time! I took off because I thought if I came back you'd still love me. And this is how you repay me??" Sean shouted, grabbing Ellie harshly by the shoulders.

"Get your hands off of me!" Ellie demanded, pushing Sean off of her. Ellie turned to walk away when Sean stopped her.

"No, Ellie, wait, I'm sorry. I'll calm down. Just - just listen to me. Remember every night that we spent together on the couch just being together. How happy you were to move in. How I stood up to your mom for you. How we told each other we loved each other. How your parents even thanked me while your mom was in rehab for caring about you and taking you in. Do your parents even know about you and Ashley?"

"No," Ellie said softly, looking away.

"Didn't think so. Especially since they won't even let Marco over anymore. So, why run the risk of losing them when you can have a normal and loving relationship with me?"

Ellie paused, her eyes continuing to fill. She was desperately trying to ignore all that Sean was saying so that it didn't have time to make sense or appeal to her. "I have to go find Ashley."

Sean tried to stop her again, but she wouldn't listen, and he sat back down on the rock as she walked towards the garage. She opened the door, expecting to find Ashley, but instead saw Marco sitting on the couch, his face buried in his hands, Spinner sitting beside him with a hand on his shoulder, and Jimmy pacing either nervously or angrily. Just when Ellie thought this night couldn't possibly get anymore dramatic, it managed.

"Guys, what's going on?" Ellie asked, walking over to the couch and sitting on the other side of Marco.

Marco's eyes were red and it looked like he had been crying. "Dylan and Tom got beaten up by a bunch of guys tonight - badly. Paige just called me from the hospital. She said they're going to be fine, but they're physically in rough shape. Visiting hours are over, or else I'd be there."

"Oh my God!" Ellie pulled Marco into a hug. "I'm so sorry! Why did this happen?"

"Same reason it happened to me, El. Bashers," Marco said stiffly.

"But it wasn't just Dylan and Tom. Paige said that just in the past two days, this is the 4th instance of gays and lesbians getting beaten pretty badly in the Riverdale area alone. They're pretty sure it's the same group of guys, and they're not caught yet. You and Ash are going to want to be careful. I guess the girls it happened to are in critical condition."

Ellie's eyes began to sting when thinking of the hatred it took to do something like that. She thought about the time Marco got bashed, Dylan and Tom, the nameless victims from the area, and then thought of her parents. How they would instantly reject her if she ever told them about she and Ashley. Then she thought of Sean and all he had said. How less confusing things were when they were together. How she never had to hide or worry about being attacked. She told Sean that he was her first love, but then told Ashley the same thing. How could that be right? She got a sick feeling in her stomach and stood from the couch.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Ellie said, exiting the garage.

Ellie went to go find Sean again, but saw him standing against the outside wall of it. Before he turned to leave, Ellie said,

"You know, I did miss you while you were gone."

He turned towards her, pressed her against the wall, and kissed her. To Ellie, his lips felt cold and rough, nothing like Ashley's. But she wanted to see if she could feel anything.

Just then, Ashley approached the garage and had to rub her eyes to make sure she was seeing straight. She began choking on the breath she couldn't catch, as her voice barely sputtered out, "Ellie…?"

Ellie broke the kiss with Sean to see Ashley standing there, watching, looking paler than she had ever seen her. "Ashley! Sweetie, I -"

"No! Just, no! You - you lied to me and you don't… you kissed… you - oh my God," Ashley stumbled backwards and began vomiting on the steps leading to the garage.

"Oh, God, Ashley!" Ellie said, rushing to Ashley's side.

Before Ellie could touch her, Ashley threw the door to the garage open. "Jimmy! Spinner! Someone - I need you to drive me home, now!"

Spinner, who usually wasn't quick to do many favors for Ashley, could tell that this situation was serious, and literally jumped to his feet. "Okay. Let me grab my keys. Jim, tell Craig that I had to split. Marco, call me later with any updates."

"Ashley… please," Ellie began to plead.

"I hope you enjoy your time with your boyfriend," Ashley said, her speech broken by sobs as she held on to Spinner for stability and walked to his car.

Ellie pulled at her hair and began to cry harder than she had so far and fell to the ground. Sean, knowing that this was a good time to move in, knelt down next to her and opened his arms for a hug. Having no one else to turn to, Ellie accepted.

"Ellie - go back out with me. We'll start fresh," Sean said.

Ellie half-nodded and continued to cry. She reached into her pocket and felt the rose petals from the night before and crushed them in her hand, letting them fall to the ground and not noticing until later that her hand was stained in black.


	6. The Little Things

Ashley was laying motionless on her bed, the way she had been for the majority of the entire February break. She didn't have the heart - or the stomach - to call, and as far as she knew, Ellie didn't call her, either. She spoke with Marco briefly on the phone, and while he wasn't too fond of either Sean or Ellie at the moment, he regrettably informed Ashley that he suspected that the two actually were a couple now.

Ashley spent the past 5 days kicking herself for allowing herself to trust again. Every time she did, her life fell apart - or so she thought until then. She never knew true heartbreak until now. Part of her felt sick at the thought of seeing or hearing from Ellie again, not being able to believe how she betrayed and lied to her. But most of that was outweighed by how the only thing she wanted to do was be in Ellie's arms again. There were things, little things, about her relationship with Ellie that made every day without her harder to get through: studying the subtle patterns in her deep brown eyes, her adorable giggle and the things she found funny, her "penguin run" that Ashley always teased, the warmth and softness of being in her arms, the texture of her hair… Ashley could go on for hours.

Kate stopped by Ashley's room every once and a while to check on her and see if she needed anything. Jeff tried a few times to crack a few jokes to get her to smile. Even Toby stopped by on his way out one day to give her a hug and tell her everything was going to be okay. Ashley did feel lucky to have such a wonderfully supportive family. But there was a void that only Ellie could fill that was slowly deteriorating anything that was left of Ashley's spirit.

Ashley's phone began to beep, another internal page. "Yes?" she answered.

"Ashley, Craig is here to see you," Kate said, unaware of the awkward situation between the two.

"Tell him I don't want to talk to him," Ashley said.

"He says it's urgent," Kate replied.

Ashley unwillingly stood from her bed and walked downstairs. Craig was surprised to see what bad of shape she was in, but knew it was not his place to comment, considering it was partly his fault. Ashley stood in front of him with her arms folded.

"Listen, Ash… I know you may not believe me, but I did a lot of thinking about what you said, and you're right. I should never have tried to mess around with you and Ellie's relationship, and I feel totally responsible for what happened," Craig began, his words sincere.

Ashley swallowed hard. "It's not completely your fault. You didn't make them do anything, you just set it up."

"Even so. Look, we have our big gig on Saturday, and I can understand if you're not up for it. I just need to know now to see if we can work around the piano part and backup vocals, and if not, I'll cancel it. But regardless of the show, I just want to know if there's something - anything - I can do to make it up to you. Even if only a little bit," Craig said.

Ashley paused to think. "I think I know just how to take you up on that offer."

Sean couldn't believe that he was sitting at Ellie's kitchen table, having a decent - let alone pleasant - conversation with a woman who had once slapped him across the face in public and forbid him to see her daughter. Once Mrs. Nash had been through rehab, she, through the help of Ellie and her counselor, had come to realize that Sean's intentions for Ellie were good, and that he in fact helped her in a time of need. Therefore, all harsh feelings were dropped, and she was even gladly willing to host Sean until school started back up and he could see about regaining his student welfare.

"Sean, I'm glad that I didn't scare you off before. Ellie could use someone like you to get her through these difficult times, with her father's assignment being extended and all," Mrs. Nash said, in no way resembling the woman she was a year prior.

"Well, I'm glad to be back," he said, smiling and squeezing Ellie's hand, to which she hesitated to smile back at first.

This time Mrs. Nash spoke to Ellie. "Not that I have a problem with Ashley, but…" her voice trailed off, "Oh, I don't know if I should say it."

Ellie's stomach jumped at hearing Ashley's name for the first time in days. "But what?"

"Well," Mrs. Nash began, finding it somewhat humorous, "You two started spending so much time together and becoming so close, I was a little afraid that you two were dating or something! And I was going to say if I had known that boy Marco was 'catching', your father and I would have stopped having him over far before that!"

Mrs. Nash laughed. Sean smiled. Ellie gagged.

Later that night, Sean was setting up his nightly sleeping bag on the floor of Ellie's bedroom all the way across the room from her bed. Ellie came back from the bathroom after changing into her pajamas, and went over to her dresser, spraying her sheets with Oceanus perfume, as Sean had watched her do every night before bed.

"What is it with you spraying your bed with that stuff? That's new. Or relatively speaking it is," Sean remarked.

"I hate waking up with that gross sweaty feeling. The scent stays trapped all night," Ellie said, not making much eye contact.

"Okay…" Sean said, his voice trailing off as if he found that strange. "Well, anyway, good night." When she didn't lean in to give him a kiss on her own merit, he said, "I love you," and leaned in closer to her.

She planted a kiss on his lips and reached for the light. "You, too."

She got under the covers and brought them up to her face, taking in the scent. Oceanus was the kind of perfume that Ashley wore every day, and Ellie clutched the sheets tight in her fists as she let the masquerade of Ashley's presence sooth her to sleep.


	7. Where Love is More than Just Your Name

It was Saturday, the day of Downtown Sasquatch's biggest show yet. Since the year before when they won the "Hot Sounds in T.O." competition, the band had been in more or less high demand, but this concert was a collaboration of the most talented aspiring bands from all over Toronto. After Craig and Ashley had talked on Wednesday, the group had been practicing constantly, doing all in their power to perfect their sound. There was enough work to do in the favor that Craig owed Ashley alone, which required a few last minute changes.

On Friday, Ellie looked at her planner, which, surrounded by elaborate frames and in several colored markers, read: "ASHLEY'S BIG SHOW!!!!!" for Saturday. Due to their circumstances, Ellie planned on not attending. In her head, she pictured at least one of them catching sight of the other, and an emotional showdown occurring at the worst possible time and place. However, the phone call Ellie received from Marco, literally and seriously threatening their friendship if she didn't go, forced her to make the effort. Of course, Sean, who had become her human cling-on, insisted he go, too, which Marco said nothing about, but Ellie personally had a feeling would make things slightly difficult.

As Ellie and Sean barely made their way through the crowded Palladium, neither of them could believe how many people were there. Ellie found peace in the fact the chances of Ashley spotting her out in this kind of crowd, were slim to none.

Since "the Squatch", as so affectionately referred to on occasion by Spinner, were the winners of the "Hot Sounds…" competition, and that this event was sponsored by the same people, they got to request the spot number of their choice. Out of 9 other acts, the group decided on going last.

Their set was mixed with old and new favorites, and the crowd's responsiveness was beyond anything the group had ever expected. Ellie's eyes began tearing on several occasions out of her pride for Ashley, but each time she quickly blinked them away and cautiously let Sean put his arm around her. So far the two had not seen each other, and Ellie decided that was not a bad thing.

When the band performed "What I Know," the song that had previously brought them to glory, Ellie and all the other Degrassi students in attendance assumed it was their final piece. However, when they finished, Craig spoke into the microphone.

"Thanks. And for our final number, I'm proud to introduce Ms. Ashley Kerwin," Craig said, stepping back, and Ashley taking his place at the lead mic. While the Squatch was backing her up, they stood as far behind her as possible, making it evident that this was her moment. The kids who knew her from Degrassi cheered her name, and the rest applauded politely. Ashley, who had barely given the audience a second glance her entire time on stage, looked out and immediately found Ellie in the crowd. It was like she just knew - like she could sense her or something. Their eyes locked, and Ashley's heart sped up as she almost broke down in tears. However, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and never broke her stare with Ellie as she said, "This song is for the girl I'm in love with."

All the stirring in the room came to a halt, except for a few crude teenage boys murmuring obscenities, but other than that it felt like everything had been put on mute. The introduction to the song sounded much different with electric instruments backing it up rather than a piano, but Ellie immediately recognized it. Sean grabbed Ellie's arm and tried to pull her out, but Ellie didn't even allow herself to flinch, let alone budge. Ashley began to sing, Craig accompanying her with soft backup vocals on the chorus:

_Dear, my love  
Haven't you wanted to be with me?  
And, dear my love  
Haven't you longed to be free?_

_I can't keep  
Pretending that I don't even know you  
When at sweet night  
You are my own_

_Take my hand  
We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down_

_So, by the morning's light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name_

_I have dreamt  
Of a place for you and I  
No one knows who we are there_

_All I want  
Is to give my life away to you  
I've dreamt so long  
I cannot dream anymore_

_Let's run away  
I'll take you there_

_We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down_

_So, by the morning's light  
We'll be halfway to anywhere  
Where no one needs a reason_

_Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back, you're safe now_

_Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you_

_Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back, you're safe now_

_Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you now_

As the instrumental break started, Ellie broke her stare on Ashley for the first time since the song began to look at Sean, tears streaking her cheeks.

"Sean - I'm in love with Ashley. I always have been, and I hope I always will be. I don't regret what we had, but it's over. And I'm sorry," Ellie said.

Sean opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head and angrily pushed his way out. Meanwhile, Ellie made her way through the mesmerized audience, all swaying in unison to the lull of Ashley's beautiful song and voice, up to the edge of the stage, where she only then noticed the overly-excited crowd of Emo teens reaching their hands up to Ashley, hoping she would touch them. However, Ashley remained steady and in one place, and one by one, as the instrumental was ending, most of the people caught on that she wasn't going to touch them and put their hands down. However, Ellie stood on the very tips of her feet, and extended her hand to be held by Ashley's.

Ashley, who had kept her eyes closed throughout the entire instrumental break when she had wrongly assumed that Ellie was leaving with Sean, recognized the black and red bracelets in front of her, and reached down to hold Ellie's hand right as she finished the last chorus of the song:

_Believe in you tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down_

_So, by the morning's light  
We'll be halfway to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name_

When the song finished, the previously serene crowd raised the decibel level in the room to the highest of the night. Those who weren't standing stood, and those who were already standing jumped and cheered with all of their might. In the midst of it all, the flow of uncontrollable tears between Ashley and Ellie increased by the second, as Ellie used Ashley's hand to lift herself onto the stage, falling into Ashley's embrace for the first time in days, and not believing that it was still available for her to revel in. This elevated the already unstoppable crowd to a new level, especially the section containing Paige, Hazel, Dylan (bumps, bruises, and all), Toby, Emma, even Manny, and all the band members' parents, including Ashley's dad and Christopher. As far as the band went, the guys, despite past feelings regarding Ellie and Ashley's relationship, beamed with unconditional pride, as Craig stepped up to the microphone again.

"Let's give it up one more time for Ashley Kerwin," he said, as if the crowd had ever stopped. "We are Downtown Sasquatch, that's it for us for tonight. You guys were amazing. Thank you and we hope to see you soon!"

It only took for the lights to come back up, the band to start disassembling, and the management of the venue to urge the speed of clean up for Ashley and Ellie to stop holding one another center stage. Despite all of that, with Ashley's permission, the rest of the Squatch agreed to pack up Ashley's keyboard and return it safely to Joey's garage so that she and Ellie could have some time alone. Ashley's dad, Robert Kerwin, agreed to pay for a cab for the two, so they could have some privacy on the way home.

The girls remained silent until the cab arrived. They got in the backseat and held hands, having both missed that feeling beyond explanation in the past week.

Ashley was the first to speak up. "So, did you like the song?"

Ellie, instead of giving Ashley the "duh" look she was imagining, refrained. "It was the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me. I loved it, even though I didn't deserve it."

"Maybe you didn't," Ashley began softly, "But when you look at all of the good things we have in life, we don't really deserve very many of them."

There was a pause. Ellie was taken aback by Ashley's generosity and mercy. "Ashley, I just need you to know that I am so unbelievably sorry for all of this. So much I can't even begin to explain. I know it may not make it any easier to receive, but nothing I felt for Sean was real, or not as real as this. Not before us, and not this time, either," Ellie said, stroking Ashley's hand with her thumb.

"I know," Ashley said, nodding, "I mean, there are still things we need to talk about and work out. Regardless of intentions, there was a breech of trust that's going to take a while to be earned back. But I hope you know that no matter what, I'm always going to love you, Ellie."

Ellie's eyes began to fill for the millionth time in the past week. "And I hope you know no matter what that I never stopped."

Ashley and Ellie kissed, a kiss that was meant to compensate for their first in over a week. Then, the two held hands once more as Ellie rested her head on Ashley's shoulder and they sat the rest of the trip in silence on their drive to anywhere.


End file.
